The People I Miss

 *If you can't read right now you can listen to me reading the post to you here*

I've been feeling a little uninspired so for this post I reread an old writing assignment and edited it a bit so I could actually post something. I really hope you like it even if it's a little depressing, but very much on the topic during these difficult times.

            Missing people is one of the most awful feelings I’ve experienced in my life. Especially, if it is a permanent thing in life. There’s nothing you can do but miss them. As a melancholic person, missing people hit me really hard most of the time. I start imagining how it used to be and how it used to feel when I was around them. Most of the time after remembering I end up in tears. And as it turns out, there are a lot of people to miss in my life. Starting from my father, who is not dead, but we have a very unstable relationship.

            My father, I’ve been told, used to be a very sweet guy, very family-centered. He comes from a big family with many brothers and sisters. In these types of families, it is usual for people to be family-centered, however, my father decided to be a family man, sure, just not with his wife and daughters. He divorced my mother and apparently divorced his daughters. And yeah, we talk from time to time, but he is basically a stranger to me. Sometimes, I think I do miss him specifically, but other times I think that maybe I just miss the feeling of having a father; of being taken care of.

            Another person I really miss is my sister. She took a page right out of my dad’s book and left, but not before making a whole mess about it. The thing about missing my sister is that sometimes I remember I missed her while she was there. We were closed, but I did notice we weren’t as close as other siblings. And I’m a person who craves a lot of attention and affection, I just can never get enough of it. Meanwhile, she was the kind of person that craved her alone time and I was just her annoying sister. Still, I do wish sometimes I could tell her about all my worries and secrets because as much as I love my mother, there are some things I rather not tell her yet. So, while I’m still angry at my sister for the mess she left, I miss her very much and wish her the best.

            However, the person I miss the most in the whole world is myself. I’ve gone through a lot of changes and rough patches in life, like most of us experience; and through each and every one of those experiences, I feel like I’ve lost a little bit of myself. Leaving me a stranger and unrecognizable every time I look in the mirror. I’ve lost the ability to be positive in any situation, be excited about everything, feel like I can accomplish anything I propose, feel kindness no matter what, and more of these little things that made me who I was. Now I feel bitter and empty most of the time, but the thing I feel the most is melancholy. I miss the old me, a lot, but also, I realize that the old me wouldn’t be with the people I am today and that is enough to make me grateful for the changes. Even if some days it’s difficult to remind myself that it’s okay that I’ve changed.

            Missing people is hard and awfully sad, and sometimes we’re not even sure why we miss them. However, we all miss something even if we don’t accept it. In life people come and go and sometimes what we miss from those people that go is not the person themselves, but what they represented in your life. And sometimes, nobody has left, but you feel like you left yourself, and that is the worst feeling there is. Missing other people is hard but missing yourself is simply heartbreaking.  

So tell me, Who do you miss and why? I would really love to hear about your experiences.